Starting today, Salesforce developers might want to update their LinkedIn profiles.
That's because Salesforce's CEO Marc Benioff just proudly unveiled his latest crime against humanity: Salesforce is firing developers in 2025. Why? Because apparently, their AI buddy "Agentforce" is crushing it with a suspicious "30% productivity boost." (Spoiler alert: all statistics are made up on the spot).
Behold, the almighty Agentforce is now doing the work of entire engineering teams! In a plot twist that shocked absolutely no one, Salesforce's CEO announced they won't be hiring any more software engineers next year. Instead, they'll be hiring 1,000-2,000 salespeople – because nothing fixes a tech shortage like more people selling tech, right?
Software Engineer? "Sorry, AI took your job."
Support Engineer? "Also replaced by the 'agentic layer'" (whatever that means)
Salesperson? "Come explain why AI is better than humans to other humans!"
Benioff casually dropped that while they're firing engineers faster than a badly configured CI/CD pipeline, the company will "probably be larger" in five years. Probably. Maybe. No promises. It's like saying your startup will "probably" be profitable – technically true, but let's not get too attached to the timeline.
This comes right after Salesforce's traditional January layoff season – because why break with tradition? After letting go 7,000 people in 2023 and another 700 in 2024, they've apparently discovered that the real problem wasn't "hiring too many people during COVID" – it was hiring humans at all!
According to the corporate overlords, "Everything needs to become about Agentforce at Salesforce – this is the only thing that really matters today." Translation: "We've created an AI that can write spaghetti code just as well as our human developers, but without asking for bathroom breaks or complaining about JIRA tickets."
The timing couldn't be more perfect – nothing says "Happy New Year" quite like a LinkedIn profile update. And for those keeping score at home, yes, this is the same company that admitted to over-hiring during the pandemic. Apparently, the solution to hiring too many people is to just... stop hiring people altogether. Revolutionary!
The best time to update your resume was yesterday, the second best time is now. And if you're a Salesforce developer watching this – may the odds of finding a company that still values human developers be ever in your favor. Winter isn't just coming; it's being deployed to production.
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