I haven’t attended many developer events.
The few I have attended left me with a strange aftertaste. Not because anyone was rude. Not because the events were poorly run. But because I often walked out feeling smaller than when I walked in.
On paper, these are exactly the spaces I should enjoy. People building things. Talking about tools. Sharing ideas. Learning together. In practice, I’ve often felt out of place in ways I couldn’t immediately explain.
Yes, part of it is fear of being judged. Yes, part of it is feeling like I’m not good enough yet. But those feelings don’t come from not caring or not trying. They come from how a lot of technical conversations are shaped.
Many discussions move fast. Acronyms stack up. Context is assumed. If you don’t already speak the language fluently, you can fall behind quickly, even if you understand the underlying ideas.
That gap is subtle, but it’s real. And when you’re still building confidence, it can quietly turn curiosity into hesitation.
What I’ve noticed isn’t exclusion. It’s something quieter. Many spaces naturally reward performance. How fluent you sound. How confidently you drop terms. How quickly you signal that you belong.
That works well for people who are already comfortable. For people earlier in their journey, it can feel like you’re trying to keep up with the tone of the room as much as the content.
Over time, that changes how you show up. You ask fewer questions. You nod more. You carry confusion home instead of voicing it. Not because you don’t care, but because you don’t want to slow things down or look behind.
One thing I’ve learned on my own is this: how someone communicates is often mistaken for how much they understand.
Dense language can sound smart. Simple explanations can sound naive. But in my experience, the people who truly understand something can usually explain it clearly, without hiding behind terminology.
That’s the kind of engineer I want to become. Not the one who sounds impressive. The one who makes things easier to understand.
None of this means tech events are bad. They matter. They bring people together. They expose you to ideas and people you might not find on your own.
And I know many people in these rooms are generous and happy to explain things one-on-one.
My hesitation isn’t about rejecting them. It’s about learning how to show up in spaces that weren’t designed specifically for where I am yet.
Beginner-friendly doesn’t just mean allowing beginners in. It means creating room to slow down, to ask simple questions, and to say “I don’t know yet” without it feeling like a liability.
That’s how communities actually grow.
Instead of avoiding these spaces, I’m trying to change how I interpret them. Not as rooms I need to prove myself in, but as rooms I can learn how to be myself in.
That means asking the question even if it feels basic. Admitting when I don’t follow something. Choosing understanding over appearance.
I’m still learning how to do that.
If anything, I’m realizing that part of growing as a developer isn’t just learning tools. It’s learning how to exist in technical spaces without shrinking yourself.
I don’t want tech events to feel smaller. I want them to feel wider. Wider in language. Wider in patience. Wider in who feels like they belong.
I’ll keep showing up. Not because I’ve figured it out. But because I want to learn how to be in those rooms without losing clarity or curiosity along the way.
If you’ve been through this phase, I’d genuinely love to hear what helped you. How did you learn to show up in these spaces without either performing or disappearing?
Top comments (3)
I think there are two types of conversations at tech events:
With the first people tend to pack a lot of information is as short of time possible out of respect for others that want to ask questions. And that can become cryptic when you have less knowledge.
I don't know if the events that you go to are recorded, but if they are try to see the recording and play it piece by piece while looking up what they are talking about.
And then you have the lounge talks where you can go up to someone and ask them to explain so you understand.
While I can understand you might feel smaller. I do think you should look back at every thing you have picked up during the event. And that would make you feel who you are at that point in time.
The other knowledge will come as long as you are willing to learn.
I relate to this a lot.
I have had similar experiences where nothing is openly negative, yet you walk out feeling smaller. For me, it is often about the tone of the room. Conversations move fast, assume shared context, and reward fluency over understanding.
I have also noticed that many tech events lean more towards sales than actual technical depth. There is a lot of signalling around tools and success stories, but very little space to slow down, ask simple questions, or talk about tradeoffs.
I agree with your point about dense language being mistaken for understanding. The people who really know their stuff can usually explain it simply.
Thanks for sharing this. It captures a feeling many people experience but rarely articulate.
Yea I see what you mean.
I never been to a tech conference on the top of my mind, but it seems to me like "Imposter syndrome" kind of feeling that most developer has, including me. When I hear people talk about something that sounds "smart", I tend to think that they know what they are doing. Sometimes true and sometime not.
I believe one thing that helped me currently is not comparing myself to others. It does take away the joy if you compare yourself. It's not your fault that you are "behind". No one is truly "behind". Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I hope this makes sense and align what you are feeling right now.