Today I wanted to write a philosophical essay about AI. Or maybe something more technical. But once again, I decided to go for something personal.
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Nice reflective article. And good for you, you can actually recognize when you’re burned out and ease off the gas pedal for a bit. I’m low-key jealous. I really wish I could do that.
Me though? I hit the edge of going insane after juggling a million things and barely sleeping for weeks, and I’m like: “That’s it. When this is over, I’m taking a full week off.”
Do I follow through? Absolutely NOT! Never! 😄
I get one solid 8-hour sleep, wake up feeling like I’ve been rebooted, full of energy, totally fresh and immediately go: “week off? Pff, are you serious? Weak. Screw that, let’s start a new project… and now!”
And just like that, round two of total exhaustion and misery begins.
I can never learn my lesson, and I don’t think I ever will.😕
Honestly, compared to you I’m playing on easy mode 😄
I take on small things, and from what I’ve seen, you’re more like:
“I’ll build a production-ready app… and while I’m at it, I’ll write a post and record a YouTube video about it”
So I’m not surprised your brain needs a full system reboot from time to time 😅
But yeah… I know exactly that “one good sleep → new project immediately” loop. Dangerous one.
One thing that definitely helps me is not having my own family (no wife or kids) and I’m not particularly outgoing either to spend too much time with friends. Most of my time outside goes to the occasional office visit and a weekly grocery run.
If I had as many responsibilities as you do, I honestly don’t think I’d have the time, or energy to play this “game” on “hard mode.”😄
Hi Sylwia, thanks for this post, which illustrates how things can get out of control, so easily even without a hint.
Unfortunately i am in similar conditions, too, by similar causes: personal projects, thoughts to apply for a conf talk. lots of "todo things" in mind, but very less achievement. And so little sleep... Some concerns about life, future, family, responsibilities...
Anyway. I think we must take our lessons. For surely, i need to.
I can relate to this a lot — sending you a virtual hug 🤍 and I’m rooting for you.
If you’re thinking about submitting a conference talk — definitely go for it. Just… try not to overthink it. Submit it and then forget about it for a while.
The truth is, sometimes you get accepted, sometimes you get rejected — and very often it has little to do with your topic or skills. It’s more about the lineup, what the organizers are looking for, or what’s already on the agenda.
I’ve had many rejections too, and when I later looked at the final lineup, I often completely understood why. So I don’t take it personally anymore.
And most importantly — take care of yourself. None of this is worth losing sleep over for too long.
Thanks Sylwia. I applied for ZurichJS conf, that will take place in September. I was thinking 2 proposals, one a soft talk about my career transition (I submitted this one) and 2nd a technical one, about web performance. But, for this 2nd one, was considering to build a demo app, and i could not do this unfortunately.. as said, many todo items less achievements.
I should definitely sleep more but nowadays, it seems so impossible. Thanks again
and yes, already there are great talkers announced.. so.. it is just a distant hope :)
Great article. chatGPT helped you, but it really pissed me off when I had the same situation. The problem was that whenever I opened VS Code, my brain was split - it either wanted to code or play. I was at a crossroads. When I chose code, I couldn't write anything working, and when I minimized VS code window and clicked on the game shortcut, I constantly lost the match. Eventually, evening would come like that. I asked chatGPT for advice, and he told me to rest. I lay for four hours watching TV, then watching YouTube, then just staring at the ceiling, then at the wall... I sat down at the computer again, and the feeling didn't go away. I asked chatGPT for an answer again, and this time he said I needed to rest again 🥴 I had a whole day off, and the next day, the same thing happened. It somehow went away on its own after a couple of days, but sometimes I get that feeling of involuntary laziness again... The only thing that saves me is playing my synthesizer. And even then, I'm such a shitty pianist that the cacophony makes me dizzy afterwards. The problem was, I don't have a metronome.
I know exactly that feeling 😅 When your brain wants to do everything and nothing at the same time.
Funny thing is, forcing “more rest” doesn’t always fix it, sometimes it just turns into… staring at walls professionally.
For me, what helped was actually reducing the number of choices, not just resting.
Also… synthesizer > VS Code on those days, 100% 🎹
That’s why competitive games aren’t the best choice for relaxing, they just don’t work 😂 I’m way too competitive to actually unwind while playing them. When I want to relax, I stick to driving sims or open-world games instead - they’re awesome! 😄
It is actually hilarious how terrible we are at taking our own brilliant advice. I am officially volunteering to come over and hide your laptop the next time you try to say yes to another side project. 😂
You handled the crash perfectly though. We should absolutely use the AI that is available for help when our own brains are just too fried to see straight.
You are going to completely own that stage in Bologna, with or without the fasting. So tonight, close all those open tabs, order the most unhealthy takeout you can find, and do absolutely nothing for the whole evening. 😃
Haha, I could really use someone like that, just closing my laptop the moment I think “oh, this might be fun!” 😄
And you know what… I think I can actually allow myself that kind of evening today. It looks like the final call for my “small” side project at work just wrapped up 🎉
Which, by the way, was supposed to take a week… and ended up taking 1.5 months. Of course 😅
That’s actually another piece of advice I got from GPT: before saying yes to something “small”, imagine it taking 2–3x longer, and only then ask yourself if it still feels fun & exciting.
Spoiler: sometimes the answer changes real quick 😄
A week turning into six weeks? I am absolutely shocked. Said no developer ever. 😂
That GPT advice is painfully accurate, but an AI cannot physically pull the plug on your router when you get a "fun" new idea. That is where I come in.
I am officially submitting my application for the role of your personal reality check and laptop closer. The pay is probably terrible, but the job satisfaction of saving you from your own stubborn optimism would be immense. 😊
Enjoy the empty evening. If you even look at a code editor tonight, I will know.
I learnt this the hard way. I thought I was always the guy who knew how to do everything and accomplish anything he starts.
Now, that is true. but then later I learn that for someone who's not comfortable with not having anything to do, initiating more than 10 seemingly ambitious projects - that's a recipe for a burnout and worst: you can't finish them all. Same symptoms, waking tired, crashing out fast and my mind is too tired to dream. Later, I learn that not having anything to do is completely okay and I will admit I'm not 100% comfortable with not having anything to do or accomplish but i nearly there, I am 95% there.
Next, there was this one startup I worked for - I designed their microservices and used to have a team of 15 people to help maintain all the services but later they all quit because the company was delaying payment but I stayed. I stayed with only 2 remaining coworkers trying to keep the system running without salary for 7 frigging months and my gf was supporting us both. I worked tirelessly, 10 - 12 hours a day, even on weekends and public holidays and festivals when you're supposed to go meet families but I was trying to make everything perfect, even if they're paying me nothing except stupid words of encouragement. Later I burnt out to an extreme, every time I woke up, I just wanted to go back to sleep and when I did have energy, my stupid ass decided to start a side project while my manager was pinging me constantly. all because of me thinking I am invincible and I can save everything from falling apart. Later I managed to quit and took some rest. Here I learn that I should never sacrifice my time and mental health for such situation, knowing how and when to quit should be your first move.
I am doing much better now, I code on weekdays, side projects/gaming or long distance motorcycle ride with my gf on weekends, cancelled all of my freelance projects and I have accomplished much more than I ever had compared to the last 4 years. I designed and built distributed systems, explore and challenged conventional tech stacks, built a database migration tool called Piper... etc and moreeee
I can relate to this so much, especially the startup part.
I also worked at a startup like that once. Luckily, I have to give them credit, they always paid on time. But the pressure and “we need to save everything” mindset? Very familiar.
I’m really glad you managed to get out of that and find a better balance. And honestly… weekend motorcycle rides with your girlfriend sound like a dream 😄
Also, thank you for sharing your story, this is exactly how it works. When you finally slow down and allow yourself to rest, you actually end up doing more, not less.
The line every single thing I took on was small, reasonable, positive is what makes this article stand out from the usual burnout posts. Most burnout stories involve obvious red flags bad job, toxic environment, unrealistic deadlines. This one is scarier because there are no red flags. Just a slow accumulation of good decisions.
The part about extra money appearing multiple times as a justification really hit. It's almost like we use rational-sounding reasons to say yes to things we'd otherwise instinctively decline. The brain finds a justification, and by the time the cost shows up, the connection is invisible.
Glad you caught it early this time. Good luck in Bologna WebGPU + WASM sounds genuinely exciting.
Thanks a lot for this comment — you described it perfectly.
And yes, that’s exactly how it was with the money. Honestly, I would never take on that kind of work for free (especially not that side project 😅). And the funny part is… I didn’t actually need that extra money at all.
To be fair, I did learn a lot from it — so it wasn’t wasted. But at the same time, once money is involved, you can’t really do things half-heartedly. There’s a level of responsibility that comes with it, and that’s something I probably underestimated.
And thanks for the kind words about the conference! The schedule just dropped and it turns out I’ll be speaking second — so I’ll be done by 11 and can just enjoy the rest of the talks and beautiful Bologna. How cool is that 😄
The part about catching it earlier this time is the real win here. Not the recovery plan. Not dropping the fasting. The fact that you recognized the pattern before it became months of shutdown. That's what actually compounds in the right direction.
Good luck in Bologna. WebGPU + WASM is a serious topic to carry on stage. The conference will be better for you being in it. 🙏
Totally — recognizing the pattern early is the real win here. The rest is almost just storytelling and something for readers to connect with 😄
But for me, an even more important point in this post is how deceptive overperformance can be. Pushing hard for weeks or months without proper recovery feels productive… until it suddenly isn’t.
I almost ran myself into the ground — and I was doing it by choice, for things that were supposed to be fun. So I can only imagine how much harder it is when someone is in that mode for months because they have to, not because they want to.
And thank you for the kind words about the conference 🙏 I’m actually really excited about it already!
We test in Prod! 😂
I can totally relate
Haha, yeah… apparently we also test our life decisions in prod 😄
Just my two cents here. Your post is very relatable.
I understand these feelings. I know personally I try to hold myself to a fairly high standard. That is a fast track to burnout even if managed well.
Sometimes, having a mini protest and just saying "no" frees up so much space in the mind. If you can somehow manage to tell everyone and everything "no" for a whole day, or even just a few hours, it is monumentally effective for mental well being.
It sort of, "resets" your thinking. You are forcing space, where there desperately needs to be space. It is not selfish (as many of us think it may feel) it is longevity management. Allow the mind to be free and protest life for a bit. I find it helps me bounce back faster!
This is a personal secret I discovered after many, many, experiences. LOL. If I am pushed too far, I will silently protest life. Its healthy. 😂😂😂
"Take Care of Yourself" The most important message of all.
If you cannot take care of yourself, how could you of others, other tasks, other challenges?
We are capable of a lot, but over- and underestimate ourselves in too many cases.
Of course, I can do that, too.
I can handle a side-project.
I want to develop a game.
I want to excercise.
Yes you can. Doesn't mean you should right now.
Reflection is a very healthy and important task. Probably the most important in our own life. On a regular basis, weekly, monthly, yearly... because time passes by, and there is only this one chance.
Step back from everything and have a walk. Get a coffee and just observe others. Put your phone/watch/notebook away and just... be!
Some things I hold dearly after years of burning bright and falling down hard:
I wish you the best and am glad to read about your growth here.
Take care :)