Today I wanted to write a philosophical essay about AI. Or maybe something more technical. But once again, I decided to go for something personal.
This is a reflection from the past few days, and I just need to write it down before the thoughts escape. You’ll soon see what I mean and why this is important to me.
On DEV, there are often posts about productivity or burnout. Sometimes even takes like burnout isn’t really burnout, just lack of direction, and impostor syndrome is not a syndrome at all, just gaps in knowledge.
Usually, when I come across something like that, I’m the first to comment:
“Guys, let’s be kinder to ourselves. Life is not about running ourselves into the ground in the name of some higher purpose or mythical growth.”
We shouldn’t push ourselves to exhaustion — especially since it often leads to the exact opposite of what we want.
Well… I can be very wise like that. But as it turns out, I don’t always follow my own advice.
Because I found myself right on the edge of serious overload. And as we all know, that’s a straight road to burnout if it lasts long enough.
How It Sneaks Up on You
Let me start with this: I have a good job. It’s interesting, socially meaningful, and on a normal day, the workload is very reasonable. However, we have a roadmap, and I knew before that February and March would be heavier.
On top of that, I have a normal life — family, shopping, cooking, managing a million little things.
These are my baseline responsibilities.
Then I added a few more things.
New Year’s resolutions: nothing crazy, just half an hour of exercise a day and some light dieting — intermittent fasting, small deficit. Sounds reasonable, right?
Then there’s my DEV blog. I publish one post per week. I genuinely love it. Writing doesn’t stress me at all — I swear it feels just as enjoyable to write as it is (hopefully) to read. It’s like a much more interesting version of Facebook for me 😄
But still — even if something is enjoyable, it takes time.
At the end of January, my talk got accepted for jsday in Bologna. The topic is quite challenging (WebGPU + WASM), and I set the bar high for myself — I wanted to prepare really good demos. At first, I went into full stress + research mode, but now I’m mostly excited.
Then at work, I was offered a side project. Usually, I say no. This time it sounded interesting, short, and a good opportunity to learn something new. And yes, also earn some extra money.
Why not?
Then came an offer to write a collaboration article on DEV. I reject 99.9% of those. Not because the products are bad — usually they’re great. But they’re often not aligned with what I actually do, and I don’t have time to prepare this articles properly.
This one, however, was perfectly aligned with my topics. It could be genuinely valuable. So maybe it’s not a sin to earn some extra money writing?
Funny how often that thought appeared.
Everything Was “Fine” — Until It Wasn’t
Notice something important:
Every single one of these things was small.
Interesting.
Reasonable.
Even exciting.
Everything was fine until early March.
Then I started feeling slightly irritated.
Then more often I would just sit and not even know what to start with, even though I had plenty of things to do.
Work got heavier, as expected. People started calling more often with different questions. I was getting more and more annoyed.
The side project dragged on. More stress, more discussions, more negotiations. All normal things — but definitely not helping my situation.
The collaboration article turned out to be much harder than expected. Another research rabbit hole. The article is still not published — although I’m not giving up on it yet.
So I tried to be smart about it.
The “Let Me Combine Everything” Phase
I started thinking how to kill multiple birds with one stone.
That’s how this article was born:
https://dev.to/sylwia-lask/why-are-we-still-doing-gpu-work-in-javascript-live-webgpu-benchmark-demo-4j6i
It was supposed to be:
- a conference demo
- a DEV article
- a test case for the plugin
Of course… something didn’t work there either.
At that point, I was already feeling mentally worse and worse. I was tired of any kind of activity.
I realized that for weeks I had been doing something after work every single day — often for many hours. I could count on one hand the evenings when I actually did nothing.
But all those things had to be finished, right?
I started struggling more and more with priorities. Motivation was dropping.
And of course, life happened on top of that — random side quests. Family visiting for the weekend. Accountants not finishing taxes on time, so I had to call and follow up…
At the same time, I rejected two more interesting opportunities — including one from a good friend. He said he’d call again in April… but a lot can change in business by then.
In other words: an abundance of opportunities.
When It Hits
At some point, it wasn’t just about feeling tired in the evening.
I started waking up tired.
I was going to sleep at 22:00 — which is very unlike me, because I’m a night owl.
I even started wondering if I had some weird virus. Or maybe spring fatigue? 😄
Then came something more worrying.
I started feeling like the quality of my work was dropping. Maybe not objectively. Maybe only in my head. But the thought itself was unsettling.
And then…
I got something like mild PTSD from the Teams notification sound 😅
What Actually Helped
I knew I had to change something, or this would end badly — both physically and mentally.
Funny enough, what helped me was… an LLM. In this case, ChatGPT.
Of course, it’s not a replacement for a psychologist. But for smaller crises, it can be surprisingly helpful — just by organizing your thoughts.
I described my situation. It processed everything logically and helped me build a “recovery plan”.
And here’s the important part:
I had many things that had to be done. I couldn’t just drop everything or go on vacation.
So instead, it suggested something simple:
Remove everything that is not a priority right now.
The Part That Surprised Me
Remember the exercise and intermittent fasting? Those were the first things to go.
They seem harmless. Healthy. Reasonable. But the model immediately “picked up” that this is not the time to stick to New Year’s resolutions.
I hesitated… but deep down I knew it was the right call.
A week or two break from exercise won’t destroy a habit. I still move, I walk, I’m active.
Intermittent fasting can wait. Worst case, I’ll go to the conference a bit chubbier 😄 (just kidding — it really doesn’t matter)
Everything that is not urgent can wait.
For the rest — no need for perfection. Good enough is enough.
If I like blogging, I can write lighter things for a while.
No new commitments. No competitions or hackathons, even if they’re tempting.
And most importantly:
Sleep and recovery are not optional.
It’s a Process
It’s not like everything suddenly became perfect.
I’m still tired.
But after putting things in order — both in my head and in my life — my passions started coming back.
I’m excited about the conference again. I genuinely want to show people cool things.
And just recently, nothing really excited me anymore.
Fun fact: It’s not even the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. In the past, after long periods of overload, I would just completely shut down — months of doing nothing after work, whether it was games or just watching series. This time, I caught it earlier.
One More Observation
There’s one pattern I noticed.
Several times, I said yes to something because of “extra money”.
Not because I needed it. It didn’t really change my financial situation.
And now?
I’ll probably need a few days off to recover.
So in the end… I’ll break even 😄
Final Thought
I want to say this one more time:
Every single thing I took on was small.
Reasonable.
Positive.
With a clear end in sight.
And still — I got overloaded.
So what happens if someone pushes like this not for weeks, but for months or years?
And then reads that burnout is their fault, because they woke up too late or learned the wrong way?
Take Care of Yourself
Your physical and mental health matter the most.
If you want to succeed in anything, it’s better to do less, but consistently.
If you need to sprint — make sure there’s a clear finish line, and a recovery phase afterwards.
And remember:
Plans are for you.
Not the other way around.
If something clearly doesn’t work — recalibrate.
Top comments (14)
Nice reflective article. And good for you, you can actually recognize when you’re burned out and ease off the gas pedal for a bit. I’m low-key jealous. I really wish I could do that.
Me though? I hit the edge of going insane after juggling a million things and barely sleeping for weeks, and I’m like: “That’s it. When this is over, I’m taking a full week off.”
Do I follow through? Absolutely NOT! Never! 😄
I get one solid 8-hour sleep, wake up feeling like I’ve been rebooted, full of energy, totally fresh and immediately go: “week off? Pff, are you serious? Weak. Screw that, let’s start a new project… and now!”
And just like that, round two of total exhaustion and misery begins.
I can never learn my lesson, and I don’t think I ever will.😕
Honestly, compared to you I’m playing on easy mode 😄
I take on small things, and from what I’ve seen, you’re more like:
“I’ll build a production-ready app… and while I’m at it, I’ll write a post and record a YouTube video about it”
So I’m not surprised your brain needs a full system reboot from time to time 😅
But yeah… I know exactly that “one good sleep → new project immediately” loop. Dangerous one.
One thing that definitely helps me is not having my own family (no wife or kids) and I’m not particularly outgoing either to spend too much time with friends. Most of my time outside goes to the occasional office visit and a weekly grocery run.
If I had as many responsibilities as you do, I honestly don’t think I’d have the time, or energy to play this “game” on “hard mode.”😄
Great article. chatGPT helped you, but it really pissed me off when I had the same situation. The problem was that whenever I opened VS Code, my brain was split - it either wanted to code or play. I was at a crossroads. When I chose code, I couldn't write anything working, and when I minimized VS code window and clicked on the game shortcut, I constantly lost the match. Eventually, evening would come like that. I asked chatGPT for advice, and he told me to rest. I lay for four hours watching TV, then watching YouTube, then just staring at the ceiling, then at the wall... I sat down at the computer again, and the feeling didn't go away. I asked chatGPT for an answer again, and this time he said I needed to rest again 🥴 I had a whole day off, and the next day, the same thing happened. It somehow went away on its own after a couple of days, but sometimes I get that feeling of involuntary laziness again... The only thing that saves me is playing my synthesizer. And even then, I'm such a shitty pianist that the cacophony makes me dizzy afterwards. The problem was, I don't have a metronome.
I know exactly that feeling 😅 When your brain wants to do everything and nothing at the same time.
Funny thing is, forcing “more rest” doesn’t always fix it, sometimes it just turns into… staring at walls professionally.
For me, what helped was actually reducing the number of choices, not just resting.
Also… synthesizer > VS Code on those days, 100% 🎹
That’s why competitive games aren’t the best choice for relaxing, they just don’t work 😂 I’m way too competitive to actually unwind while playing them. When I want to relax, I stick to driving sims or open-world games instead - they’re awesome! 😄
I learnt this the hard way. I thought I was always the guy who knew how to do everything and accomplish anything he starts.
Now, that is true. but then later I learn that for someone who's not comfortable with not having anything to do, initiating more than 10 seemingly ambitious projects - that's a recipe for a burnout and worst: you can't finish them all. Same symptoms, waking tired, crashing out fast and my mind is too tired to dream. Later, I learn that not having anything to do is completely okay and I will admit I'm not 100% comfortable with not having anything to do or accomplish but i nearly there, I am 95% there.
Next, there was this one startup I worked for - I designed their microservices and used to have a team of 15 people to help maintain all the services but later they all quit because the company was delaying payment but I stayed. I stayed with only 2 remaining coworkers trying to keep the system running without salary for 7 frigging months and my gf was supporting us both. I worked tirelessly, 10 - 12 hours a day, even on weekends and public holidays and festivals when you're supposed to go meet families but I was trying to make everything perfect, even if they're paying me nothing except stupid words of encouragement. Later I burnt out to an extreme, every time I woke up, I just wanted to go back to sleep and when I did have energy, my stupid ass decided to start a side project while my manager was pinging me constantly. all because of me thinking I am invincible and I can save everything from falling apart. Later I managed to quit and took some rest. Here I learn that I should never sacrifice my time and mental health for such situation, knowing how and when to quit should be your first move.
I am doing much better now, I code on weekdays, side projects/gaming or long distance motorcycle ride with my gf on weekends, cancelled all of my freelance projects and I have accomplished much more than I ever had compared to the last 4 years. I designed and built distributed systems, explore and challenged conventional tech stacks, built a database migration tool called Piper... etc and moreeee
I can relate to this so much, especially the startup part.
I also worked at a startup like that once. Luckily, I have to give them credit, they always paid on time. But the pressure and “we need to save everything” mindset? Very familiar.
I’m really glad you managed to get out of that and find a better balance. And honestly… weekend motorcycle rides with your girlfriend sound like a dream 😄
Also, thank you for sharing your story, this is exactly how it works. When you finally slow down and allow yourself to rest, you actually end up doing more, not less.
Just my two cents here. Your post is very relatable.
I understand these feelings. I know personally I try to hold myself to a fairly high standard. That is a fast track to burnout even if managed well.
Sometimes, having a mini protest and just saying "no" frees up so much space in the mind. If you can somehow manage to tell everyone and everything "no" for a whole day, or even just a few hours, it is monumentally effective for mental well being.
It sort of, "resets" your thinking. You are forcing space, where there desperately needs to be space. It is not selfish (as many of us think it may feel) it is longevity management. Allow the mind to be free and protest life for a bit. I find it helps me bounce back faster!
This is a personal secret I discovered after many, many, experiences. LOL. If I am pushed too far, I will silently protest life. Its healthy. 😂😂😂
Hi Sylwia, thanks for this post, which illustrates how things can get out of control, so easily even without a hint.
Unfortunately i am in similar conditions, too, by similar causes: personal projects, thoughts to apply for a conf talk. lots of "todo things" in mind, but very less achievement. And so little sleep... Some concerns about life, future, family, responsibilities...
Anyway. I think we must take our lessons. For surely, i need to.
It is actually hilarious how terrible we are at taking our own brilliant advice. I am officially volunteering to come over and hide your laptop the next time you try to say yes to another side project. 😂
You handled the crash perfectly though. We should absolutely use the AI that is available for help when our own brains are just too fried to see straight.
You are going to completely own that stage in Bologna, with or without the fasting. So tonight, close all those open tabs, order the most unhealthy takeout you can find, and do absolutely nothing for the whole evening. 😃
The line every single thing I took on was small, reasonable, positive is what makes this article stand out from the usual burnout posts. Most burnout stories involve obvious red flags bad job, toxic environment, unrealistic deadlines. This one is scarier because there are no red flags. Just a slow accumulation of good decisions.
The part about extra money appearing multiple times as a justification really hit. It's almost like we use rational-sounding reasons to say yes to things we'd otherwise instinctively decline. The brain finds a justification, and by the time the cost shows up, the connection is invisible.
Glad you caught it early this time. Good luck in Bologna WebGPU + WASM sounds genuinely exciting.
The part about catching it earlier this time is the real win here. Not the recovery plan. Not dropping the fasting. The fact that you recognized the pattern before it became months of shutdown. That's what actually compounds in the right direction.
Good luck in Bologna. WebGPU + WASM is a serious topic to carry on stage. The conference will be better for you being in it. 🙏
We test in Prod! 😂
I can totally relate