This is one of those articles that I wanted to write for many days, but I kept delaying it until, a few days ago, I read a blog by one of my friends, @francistrdev, about the importance of networking. He shared several useful tips on how to network, but while reading it, I realised that there was a root cause behind why some devs struggle with networking skills. So,I took this opportunity to explore this issue through my blog.
It's not that being introverted is a problem. There are plenty of introverts who are great at networking and communicating with people. But I have noticed another pattern, both in myself and in many developers I've interacted with online and IRL that, sometimes, we unintentionally make Tech our entire life.
I've interacted with many developers both online and IRL, and I've noticed how easily our professional identity can intermingle with our sense of self and can make us think that somehow the world revolves around our profession. We work in Tech, spend a large portion of our day thinking about Tech, consume Tech-related content, participate in Tech communities, and then, when we finally decide to socialise, we often end up attending yet another "Tech meetup" or a "hackathon".
There is nothing inherently wrong with that. In fact, Tech meetups and hackathons are a great way to network and meet other developers, and I attend it myself as well. The problem starts when they become our only form of social interaction.
Think about it for a moment. Tech, for the most part, is a desk-based and mentally demanding profession. Many of us spend most of our working day sitting in front of a screen, solving problems, attending meetings, writing code, debugging issues, or simply working quietly. By the time the workday ends, many of us don't have much mental bandwidth left to socialise.
As a result, we may gradually interact with fewer people outside our usual circles. We get comfortable talking to people who already understand our work, our terminology, and our interests. But communicating with people from completely different backgrounds doesn't get the same amount of practice.
And just like any other skill, communication benefits from practice.
This can create an interesting cycle. We don't socialise much outside Tech because it feels uncomfortable or tiring. Then, because we don't socialise much, interacting with unfamiliar people feels even more uncomfortable the next time we try it.
This is where having a life outside Tech becomes important.
Build a Life Outside Tech 🏖️
Have some offline hobbies that has nothing to do with Tech.
If you enjoy painting, attend a painting workshop. If you like photography, join a photography club. If you like books, attend a book club. The activity itself isn't the important part. The important part is that you are putting yourself in an environment where people aren't necessarily there to talk about Tech.
You might discover that you have surprisingly interesting conversations with people who have completely different professions, experiences, and perspectives, and you don't have to become an extrovert to do this. You can start small and slowly and steadily push your comfort zone.
The goal isn't to change who you are. It's simply to give yourself more opportunities to refine your communication skills.
Toastmasters and Improv Meetups Can Help 👥👥
Another thing one can try is joining a Toastmasters club. It can be a good environment to practise public speaking, expressing your thoughts, speaking spontaneously, and interacting with people from different age groups and professional backgrounds.
One thing I like about this kind of environment is that you don't just get to listen to people speaking, but you also get opportunities to speak yourself. This repeated exposure can make unfamiliar social situations feel less intimidating over time.
Recently, I attended a Toastmasters club as a guest in my city. I was nervous too, especially because I hadn't attended such a formal meetup in months.
And that is completely normal.
You don't suddenly become comfortable just because you've decided that you want to improve your communication skills. The first few times can feel awkward. You may overthink what you're going to say, wonder whether someone is interested in talking to you, or simply feel like leaving early.
That's okay.
The point is to keep giving yourself opportunities to practise.
Reconnect With People You Already Know ⋆˙𖠋𖠋𖠋𖠋𖠋⋆˚
Improving your communications skills doesn't always mean meeting complete strangers.
Call your childhood friends. Plan a casual meetup instead of waiting for someone else to initiate it.
And if you have friends on online communities, consider meeting those people IRL when it's practical and safe to do so.
A few weeks ago, I was in Bengaluru and met a few of my online friends from an ADHD community where I'm active. We had never spent that much time together offline, but once we met, we could simply joke around and talk about completely "nonsensical" things.
And honestly, it felt really good.
There was no discussion about improving our careers, building our portfolios, learning a new framework, or increasing productivity.
We were just hanging out.
I think that kind of interaction is valuable in itself.
Not every conversation needs to have a purpose.
Networking Is More Than Talking About Yourself 🌐
This brings me to another misunderstood part of networking. Being good at it doesn't mean knowing how to introduce yourself or ask someone what they do.
It also helps to be curious about the world outside your immediate professional bubble.
You don't need to be an expert in everything, but having a variety of interests gives you more opportunities to connect with people.
You might be able to talk about a movie you watched, a book you're reading, a place you recently visited, a sport you follow, a hobby you've picked up, a restaurant you discovered, or something interesting you learned recently.
And sometimes, you don't even need to know anything about the topic.
You can simply say,
"I don't know much about that. Tell me more."
Being curious and active listening is much more valuable than trying to sound knowledgeable all the time.
Don't Turn This Into Another Hyperfixation 🌀
When I say that you should learn about different subjects, I'm not saying that you should turn this into "another productivity project".
You don't need to hyperfixate on a random topic for hours, get yourself down into a rabbit hole, and then realise that you've spent the entire day researching something that wasn't even important to you.
And doomscrolling social media for "NEWS" isn't necessarily the same as becoming knowledgeable either.
Spending hours criticising or defending a politician or a government policy can give you the feeling that you're staying informed and presenting your own opinion, but consuming more information isn't automatically the same thing as developing a broader understanding of the world.
The goal isn't to know everything, but to remain curious about things outside your usual social bubble.
You Don't Need to Become an Extrovert 🌱
Ultimately, I don't think the solution to networking difficulties is to force yourself to become an extrovert.
If you're introverted, you're still going to be introverted. And that's perfectly fine.
What you can change is the environment you put yourself in and how often you expose yourself to unfamiliar social situations.
Go to a workshop that has nothing to do with Tech. Reconnect with an old friend. Join a club. Meet an online friend IRL. Talk to someone who works in a completely different profession.
Do it gradually.
The more you expose yourself to different social situations, the more you will start finding it easier.
Thanks for reading :)
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