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Having a dev as a life partner!

As a dev, what is your thought on marrying another dev?

I am not married as of now, and I really do think about it. I was hesitant to write this but I couldn't stop myself.

My thinking is, it's good for a dev to marry a dev as they both can understand each other more, can discuss things with each other and help. I think it also positively affects your career and productivity.

Please please please share your thoughts πŸ˜ƒ

Top comments (24)

madza profile image
Madza • Edited

You should create a Dating app specifically for Devs looking for future partners... At its core, it should calculate the percentage of the match based on the similarities in tech stack used, favorite tech tools, favorite tech news, podcasts, books, etc. πŸ’‘

You could get two by the price of one - creating a tool that could potentially help others and also probably find your own partner as well. πŸ˜‰ FB was born in a similar way, too ✨

dimadk24 profile image
Dima Krutolianov • Edited

Just found today such VS Code extension πŸ˜‚

madza profile image
Madza • Edited

Yeah, I was going to leave it here, too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
After I saw it a few days ago on Twitter and then on YouTube πŸ“Ί

zeealik profile image
Zeeshan Ali Khan

that was awesome

udaya28 profile image

Wonderful idea πŸ˜‚

rob_regan_dev profile image

My wife and I are attending a full stack JavaScript bootcamp. We have both been laid off due to the pandemic so we are making some moves.. it’s been great to bounce stuff off each other for assignments, also we can push each other out of imposter syndrome. Would recommend!

jackieregandev profile image
Jackie Regan

Learning web dev (or even coding with your partner in general) is truly an amazing experience! Like Rob said it’s great to have your person there for support when you just can’t see a bug in your code or get frustrated. Our strategy now if we work on separate homework assignments so we can help the other through the next. Highly recommend!

cassidoo profile image
Cassidy Williams

My husband and I actually met each other first at a hackathon!

It's pretty great having another developer as a spouse. We can talk about code (even though we focus on different ends of the stack) and we understand when certain bugs frustrate us, and we work on projects together sometimes.

At the same time... you do have to work hard to not bring up work throughout the day, because you'll get very sick of talking about tech all the time!

All this to say: Having a dev as a spouse is definitely a nice thing, but it's also probably the least important thing to look for in a partner. :)

bradtaniguchi profile image
Brad • Edited

I think focusing on someone's occupation doesn't go deep enough into what makes a good life partner for one's self.

As someone who has a life partner who isn't a dev and hates code, I think it is important to at least have a "similar level of intelligence". This isn't raw IQ or something like that, but emotional intelligence and self-awareness. The fact my significant other doesn't code doesn't mean I can't talk about my struggles, or support them when they are struggling. Again, a shared career would make things easier to get into the actual details, but that isn't really the point.

I dislike the idea of seeking a life partner to help with your career and productivity. This should be a job for friends, co-workers and mentors. Significant others already have enough on their plate, helping you debug your code shouldn't be a high priority. This could be a plus, but it shouldn't be the goal.

Its important to remember not all devs are alike, think alike, or are all the same. If your looking for a "copy of yourself" as a life partner, not only does that seem kinda boring, but it also really limits potential life experiences if your too similar. I believe a life partner should "expand your world" to some degree. If your in the same profession, and "think the same", your world almost doesn't expand at all. That might be "safe", but I'm not sure if that is "rewarding" enough. Again, the fact your SO is a developer should be a plus, not the goal.

I'm not saying you shouldn't seek out a developer as a significant other, but I think focusing on that aspect shouldn't be the point.

These are my opinions on how to go about things, I don't believe there some kind of answer out there that works for every single person. But I do recommend to evaluate why you'd want a life partner that is a developer. You could be looking for "a label", rather than the person itself.

thefluxapex profile image
Ian Pride • Edited

TDLR; A career path is the least of my worries when it comes to a mate. Money, careers, and how much technical/work related I have in common with them is a far more trivial matter compared to one's character.

Depends on the two people in the relationship. Not all DEVS act/think the same as is the case with everybody else. I don't know if I could be married to a DEV or not; sure we'd have that in common, but there should be plenty more in life you have in common where as being a DEV is really just a small detail compared to all the other important decisions you'll be making and ways of living you'll be having in life together.

Sure it can work out great as you were stating, but that's really just the surface stuff.

And not all "DEVS" are on a career path. I've been a programmer for over 20 years and I'm a proud "STAY-AT-HOME-PARENT","House Husband", or "Home Maker" (however you want to call it). And I still "develop" for hours of the day (when I'm not busting my butt doing all else...).

And my wife knows very little about computers... so I always have new stuff to teach/show her :D.

manuelsayago15 profile image
Manuel Sayago

I think both can make an application or something. It would be awesome in my opinion. As far as I know. Also, I got my girlfriend to study programming, specifically, Vue.js. I'm happy with that because I can help her in her course (I learn at the same time as she does), I have years of experience in programming but it's always good reviewing some subjects. Also, now that she's learning, sometimes she helps me see things when I'm stressed out with a lot of code ;)

Also, I would say, try not to label someone because it's a dev or not, you can love the love or your life and maybe she doesn't know what a programming language is, so, you can understand with a dev, of course, but that doesn't mean that person is the right one for you, there are other important things as personality and sharing stuff.

Happy coding!

jenbutondevto profile image

Reminds me of a skit/(small) arc on Silicon Valley on tabs vs spaces.

You can discuss and understand and grow with your significant other without them knowing the ins and outs of your job. I imagine if you are both developers, you will have full time jobs, and a team that can support you, who know the codebase better. I'm still able to appreciate and be interested in my partner's work, and vice versa, even though I'm not a designer.

ayoisaiah profile image
Ayooluwa Isaiah

I don't think the career choice of your boy/girlfriend should factor too much into the decision to marry. There are far more important things than that.

ben profile image
Ben Halpern

I'm not married to a dev, but my wife, @liana , works at Forem and it's been fun how much shared context she has about what software development is all about by working in operations at our company.

All in all on the subject, IMO having different interests is as interesting and exciting as having shared interests as far as things like this go. There's much more to a bond than stuff like this.

yoursunny profile image
Junxiao Shi

Vim is better than Emacs. If you disagree, you can't marry me.

manuelsayago15 profile image
Manuel Sayago

Hahahaha! Good one ;)

commodo profile image
Alexandru Ardelean

I guess if you keep things somewhat separate.
Traditionally most work places have always avoided allowing hiring couples on the same department.

There's stories of this working out, but there's stories of this... well.... you know.
It's a business decision of course for a company to not allow couples in the same departments.

Disagreements will exist.

I guess it depends on [and if] you get competitive with your partner.
For some couples that seemed to work, it was usually when one of the partners wasn't very competitive [or feeling strongly] about their dev side.
I know that it sounds not-great, but it's an observation; so it should be treated as such.

stef4nutz profile image

Sorry but React dosen't want money or attention from me. The only thing that React and a Girlfriend can give me its Problems.

codefinity profile image
Manav Misra

Definitely sounds like the way to go. Bounce ideas - do business together, etc. However, there may be times when being around someone like...literally 24/7 might be 🀯 Depends...

amitkum15380936 profile image
Amit kumar

Great bro...

andrewbaisden profile image
Andrew Baisden

I think it can work so long as your technical stacks are similar. Try to avoid a React v Angular flame war argument. Or a Node vs PHP battle 🀣