Sukhpinder Singh

Posted on Oct 9 • Originally published at Medium

How to Flirt with a Developer: Learn to Debug Your Love Life

#webdev #watercooler #jokes #discuss

I’m writing this story not because I am single [💔] but because I am tired of solving bugs alone.

For me, it is just a fun way to present an idea that spun up in my mind, and it has been sitting in the draft for a pretty long time.

If I get a good response, I may even write a series of this targeting different designations. So do let me know in the comments.

So let’s begin

I think developers are masters of logic, fluent in code, coffee-dependent, and very often end up bearing visible marks deadlines.

If you ever have been attracted to one of them, then you might ask how you could win him/her over while approaching his quirky characteristic traits.

Do not worry, because I will help you understand how to flirt with a developer and maybe even get a “successful compilation” in your relationship!

Why Developers Are an Attractive Challenge

The thing is that developers very often live in a world dominated by logic, flowcharts, and binary decisions.

It might be intimidating for the uninitiated, but it shouldn’t be. Consider this as a challenge.

The heart of a developer is a puzzle in itself.

It is beautiful and ready to be solved. Flirting with one can even be enjoyable and rewarding.

But how does one begin?

Developers are not usually impressed by the typical flirting strategies: roses and grand gestures might not mean much to someone whose love language is the command line or whose primary concern is solving the latest bug.

To flirt with a developer takes humour, and a touch of technical understanding.

Understanding the Developer Mindset

Understand that you are cautioned to be or to think like developers before jumping into your flirting strategy.

Developers tend to

Appreciate logic and problem-solving: Developers are going to tend to solve puzzles, squash bugs, and optimize processes naturally. Tackling your flirtation with that mindset will earn you big points.
Prefer practicality: Such flashy, superficial tactics will not win hearts, at least not in their eyes. What will? Cleverness, subtle humour, and thoughtful conversations engage minds.
They respect time: Software developers generally work with looming deadlines, and very often, they get engrossed in their complicated projects. So, they cannot always leave everything to have a spontaneous date or text session. Respect their time, and they’ll respect you.

Dos and Don’ts of Flirting with a Developer

Do

Taste of humour: Programmers adore humour, especially combined with techie smarts.
Be interested in the work they do: Ask them for projects, what languages they write, or the framework they use.
Be tolerant: They’re usually intense when they are in the middle of the thing, but when they get out of it, they like attention.

Don’t

Don’t pretend to understand when you don’t: Programmers can smell a fake from a mile away.
Minimize their work: Oh, you just fix computers, right? will immediately raise their emotional firewall.
Interrupt them in the “flow”: No one, even the most easy-going developer loves interruption while working. All that nice flirting won’t matter at such moments.

Step-by-Step Guide to Flirting with a Developer

Approach and Initiation

Ask them what their favourite project is or maybe what tech they’re currently obsessed with.

Don’t do the grand romantic gesture right away.

Here are a few safe conversation starters:

“Hey, I heard you’re into [insert programming language here]. What do you like about it?”
“I have always asked myself, how do you get started in fixing bugs in a huge project? It must look so complicated!”

Such questions show that you are interested in the other person’s world and also give you a way of getting started on a much deeper conversation.

Geeky Compliments That Work

Personally in my opinion developer take pride in what they do and if your praise speaks to their intellectual side.

For example

“I heard that you had created a complex algorithm, it must be challenging for you”
“You have such an amazing way of breaking down problems. I love how your mind works.”

Flattering their intelligence and problem-solving abilities will have more impact than complimenting their physical appearance.

Humor is the Code to Their Heart

Nothing brings a programmer closer to someone than shared laughter over a tech joke.

Here are a few tried-and-true tech puns that might work as flirtation starters:

“Are you a semicolon? Because you complete me.”
“I must be a variable because I’m constantly changing around you.”
“Are we in a try-catch block? Because I feel safe with you.”

Developer Speak: How to Connect with Their Language

Even though developers speak English (or whatever your shared language may be), they also speak in code — both metaphorically and literally.

Throw in a little extra light tech speak, and you’ll go a long way.

“You’re the only ‘one’ in my Boolean.” (Translation: You’re the only one for me.)
“Our chemistry has no bugs, just clean execution.” (Translation: Things between us are going smoothly.)
“I’d pair program with you any day.” (Translation: I’d work with you on anything!)

It may take a little bit of practice, but it shows you made the effort to connect on their level.

Some other examples

“Are you a bug? Because you make my heart stop unexpectedly.”
“You must be an algorithm because I feel like you’re optimizing my happiness.”

You can appreciate their world without trying too hard to be part of it.

Debugging Their Feelings

Dealing with a developer's emotions is pretty much like debugging code: it can be messy layered, and painful.

Tackle them as you would solve a problem slowly and incrementally, being patient.

If they are not paying attention or seem to be thinking of something completely different, it probably has nothing to do with you.

Maybe they are simply engaged in their minds with some particularly vexing problem.

Let them have their space during such times, but nudge them to remember that you’re there for them when they need to share.

“I know you’re busy, but I’m here if you need a break. Debugging your heart might be easier with me by your side.”

When Should You Escalate the Flirtation to “Production”

For developers, that may mean moving the relationship from “beta testing” into “production” that is, making things official.

Watch out for signs of increased investment in the relationship:

Do they make time for you even when they’re working on a big project?
Are they sharing more personal details, not just work-related topics?
Do they invite you into their world (like asking you to come to meetups, or discussing long-term goals)?

Or a developer can say the following

“We’ve been in beta for a while. Do you think we’re ready to push this relationship to production?”

Writing the Final Line of Code in Your Flirt Game

Once you have discovered the “algorithm” for your flirting style, you’ll be well on your way to unlocking a good relationship.

After all, the way to finally warm a programmer’s heart is through good enough code, and with the right dose of coffee, perhaps.

To all the readers out there, this story is written as fun to entertain fellow medium members. No offence to anyone.

If you enjoyed reading this article, clap for me and put your comments in the comment section about whether I should continue this series.

Thank you for reading.

Top comments (57)

Valeria • Oct 11

I think humans are a little more complex than that 😅 I’ve met quite a few of developers and the vast majority had hobbies and interests outside of development. And I’m yet to meet one that enjoys debugging.
Some people I worked with over the years do like grand gestures and are romantic to the core, some aren’t interested in relationships at all and most are somewhere in between.
Most couples I know of have only one dev in them: they’re married or dating designers, musicians, architects (and not the software ones) and sales people or even product managers, so it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that IT isn’t what brought them together.
And even in a scenario where both people are working in the exact same IT role, like yours truly and my partner, it wasn’t JavaScript that kicked off our relationship; we still have occasional holy wars over methodologies and certain tools.

And if you’re looking for a general approach, I think in the end of the day deep care and respect for each with a dash of shared values would take you a longer way than an IT pun. Show interest, ask how you can help, be yourself and try and see your love interest for all what they are.

Kiran Randhawa • Oct 25 • Edited

@valeriavg I couldn't agree more.

I would also add that whilst I see the intended humour in this article it does highlight a very real problem. The expectation on others of how they should accommodate me/us as opposed to putting in the time and effort to understand what drives the other person and what makes them happy.

This is perfectly encapsulates the world today and the simple reason why so many people aren't able to find happiness in their lives.

It's not just about love relationships either, it extends to our friendships and personal working relationships too. Self entitlement is a disgusting trait.

I don't even see this as a "young person's problem". I've witnessed it in people of all ages including those who have known better but seem to have forgotten.

I think that social media contributed to starting these trends by encouraging people to be self centred.

Valeria • Oct 26

I like how you highlight the absence of time to put in effort into a relationship and draw parallels between different types of relationships.

While social networks might contribute negatively, I think they’re a symptom more than a source of all evil.

I wouldn’t know what causes the general unhappiness: it’s very individual. If I’m to generalise I’d bet on unmet needs and how much time and effort one needs to put into having a roof over their head and food in the table nowadays.

Sukhpinder Singh • Oct 11

Well said.

James • Oct 12

Sorry, I read you first line and shut down. Humans aren't more complicated than that. Lol.

Valeria • Oct 12

It’s a pity you stopped there since the rest of my comment was the reasoning I had for that claim and we would’ve had a fruitful conversation where you’d provide yours, but alas :)