Sukhpinder Singh

Posted on Oct 9 • Originally published at Medium

How to Flirt with a Developer: Learn to Debug Your Love Life

#webdev #watercooler #jokes #discuss

I’m writing this story not because I am single [💔] but because I am tired of solving bugs alone.

For me, it is just a fun way to present an idea that spun up in my mind, and it has been sitting in the draft for a pretty long time.

If I get a good response, I may even write a series of this targeting different designations. So do let me know in the comments.

So let’s begin

I think developers are masters of logic, fluent in code, coffee-dependent, and very often end up bearing visible marks deadlines.

If you ever have been attracted to one of them, then you might ask how you could win him/her over while approaching his quirky characteristic traits.

Do not worry, because I will help you understand how to flirt with a developer and maybe even get a “successful compilation” in your relationship!

Why Developers Are an Attractive Challenge

The thing is that developers very often live in a world dominated by logic, flowcharts, and binary decisions.

It might be intimidating for the uninitiated, but it shouldn’t be. Consider this as a challenge.

The heart of a developer is a puzzle in itself.

It is beautiful and ready to be solved. Flirting with one can even be enjoyable and rewarding.

But how does one begin?

Developers are not usually impressed by the typical flirting strategies: roses and grand gestures might not mean much to someone whose love language is the command line or whose primary concern is solving the latest bug.

To flirt with a developer takes humour, and a touch of technical understanding.

Understanding the Developer Mindset

Understand that you are cautioned to be or to think like developers before jumping into your flirting strategy.

Developers tend to

Appreciate logic and problem-solving: Developers are going to tend to solve puzzles, squash bugs, and optimize processes naturally. Tackling your flirtation with that mindset will earn you big points.
Prefer practicality: Such flashy, superficial tactics will not win hearts, at least not in their eyes. What will? Cleverness, subtle humour, and thoughtful conversations engage minds.
They respect time: Software developers generally work with looming deadlines, and very often, they get engrossed in their complicated projects. So, they cannot always leave everything to have a spontaneous date or text session. Respect their time, and they’ll respect you.

Dos and Don’ts of Flirting with a Developer

Do

Taste of humour: Programmers adore humour, especially combined with techie smarts.
Be interested in the work they do: Ask them for projects, what languages they write, or the framework they use.
Be tolerant: They’re usually intense when they are in the middle of the thing, but when they get out of it, they like attention.

Don’t

Don’t pretend to understand when you don’t: Programmers can smell a fake from a mile away.
Minimize their work: Oh, you just fix computers, right? will immediately raise their emotional firewall.
Interrupt them in the “flow”: No one, even the most easy-going developer loves interruption while working. All that nice flirting won’t matter at such moments.

Step-by-Step Guide to Flirting with a Developer

Approach and Initiation

Ask them what their favourite project is or maybe what tech they’re currently obsessed with.

Don’t do the grand romantic gesture right away.

Here are a few safe conversation starters:

“Hey, I heard you’re into [insert programming language here]. What do you like about it?”
“I have always asked myself, how do you get started in fixing bugs in a huge project? It must look so complicated!”

Such questions show that you are interested in the other person’s world and also give you a way of getting started on a much deeper conversation.

Geeky Compliments That Work

Personally in my opinion developer take pride in what they do and if your praise speaks to their intellectual side.

For example

“I heard that you had created a complex algorithm, it must be challenging for you”
“You have such an amazing way of breaking down problems. I love how your mind works.”

Flattering their intelligence and problem-solving abilities will have more impact than complimenting their physical appearance.

Humor is the Code to Their Heart

Nothing brings a programmer closer to someone than shared laughter over a tech joke.

Here are a few tried-and-true tech puns that might work as flirtation starters:

“Are you a semicolon? Because you complete me.”
“I must be a variable because I’m constantly changing around you.”
“Are we in a try-catch block? Because I feel safe with you.”

Developer Speak: How to Connect with Their Language

Even though developers speak English (or whatever your shared language may be), they also speak in code — both metaphorically and literally.

Throw in a little extra light tech speak, and you’ll go a long way.

“You’re the only ‘one’ in my Boolean.” (Translation: You’re the only one for me.)
“Our chemistry has no bugs, just clean execution.” (Translation: Things between us are going smoothly.)
“I’d pair program with you any day.” (Translation: I’d work with you on anything!)

It may take a little bit of practice, but it shows you made the effort to connect on their level.

Some other examples

“Are you a bug? Because you make my heart stop unexpectedly.”
“You must be an algorithm because I feel like you’re optimizing my happiness.”

You can appreciate their world without trying too hard to be part of it.

Debugging Their Feelings

Dealing with a developer's emotions is pretty much like debugging code: it can be messy layered, and painful.

Tackle them as you would solve a problem slowly and incrementally, being patient.

If they are not paying attention or seem to be thinking of something completely different, it probably has nothing to do with you.

Maybe they are simply engaged in their minds with some particularly vexing problem.

Let them have their space during such times, but nudge them to remember that you’re there for them when they need to share.

“I know you’re busy, but I’m here if you need a break. Debugging your heart might be easier with me by your side.”

When Should You Escalate the Flirtation to “Production”

For developers, that may mean moving the relationship from “beta testing” into “production” that is, making things official.

Watch out for signs of increased investment in the relationship:

Do they make time for you even when they’re working on a big project?
Are they sharing more personal details, not just work-related topics?
Do they invite you into their world (like asking you to come to meetups, or discussing long-term goals)?

Or a developer can say the following