"You're not a Certified Scrum Master? Then you can't possibly understand."
I've heard this too many times.
My response: "Yes, and I'm proud of it."
The Theater We're All Performing
Let's be honest about what "agile" has become in most organizations:
- Daily standups that last 45 minutes where nobody actually talks to each other
- Sprint reviews where we show PowerPoint slides instead of working software
- Retrospectives where we write post-its we'll never read again
- Backlogs that replace architecture
- Jira tickets that replace thinking
- Certifications that replace experience
This isn't agility. This is performance theater.
We've learned to say the right words, follow the right ceremonies, and use the right tools.
But somewhere along the way, we stopped asking: Are we actually building better software?
How Did We Get Here?
Agility didn't die by accident. It was captured.
The Consulting Industrial Complex
More roles = more consultants to place.
Scrum Master, Product Owner, Agile Coach, Release Train Engineer...
Organizations that promised "self-organizing teams" now have more intermediaries than ever.
Where developers used to talk directly to customers, we now have certified professionals mediating every interaction.
The Certification Cartel
$2,000+ to learn to recite a manual.
Two days of training, an MCQ, a laminated card.
Certification doesn't guarantee competence. It guarantees conformity.
The Jargon as Gatekeeping
Sprint. Backlog. Velocity. Burndown. Epic. Refinement.
This language doesn't help us communicate better. It helps us stop communicating while appearing to.
Those who ask "what does that actually mean?" get labeled as not understanding agile.
The Tools That Replaced Thinking
We stopped thinking in terms of "what problem are we solving?"
We started thinking in terms of "how many story points this sprint?"
Jira convinced us that chopping things up was the same as understanding them.
It's not.
A backlog isn't architecture. It's a to-do list.
What "Agile" Actually Meant
Before it was a method, agile was a word.
From Latin agere: to act with rightness, not speed.
Look at nature:
- The cat doesn't pounce without observing
- The tree bends in the storm but doesn't break
- Water finds its way through discernment, not force
True agility isn't moving a lot. It's moving well.
The original Agile Manifesto (2001) said:
"Individuals and interactions over processes and tools"
Today we have:
- More processes than ever
- Tools that dictate our thinking
- Individuals who've learned to perform rather than interact
We got it exactly backward.
The Questions We Should Ask
Instead of another methodology, here are questions to ask before your next sprint, meeting, or decision:
About Direction:
- Before chopping this into sprints, do we know where we're going?
- Can we explain this project in one sentence?
- What must NOT change in this project?
About Rituals:
- Will this meeting produce a decision or a report?
- If we canceled this daily for a week, what would break?
- Does this ceremony exist because it's useful, or because we're afraid?
About Thinking:
- Have we spent as much time designing as executing?
- Does this project have architecture, or only a backlog?
- Who in this team talked to a real user this week?
About Reality:
- Are we observing reality, or are we observing our Jira board?
- Are we solving a problem, or working around one?
- Why are we doing this? No, really — why?
The Evidence
This isn't just philosophy. The cracks are showing:
- Capital One laid off 1,000+ Agile roles, deeming them unnecessary
- Dave Thomas (original Manifesto signatory) declared "Agile is Dead"
- Ron Jeffries (co-creator of XP) coined "Dark Scrum" to describe what it's become
Even the people who created agile practices are saying: this isn't what we meant.
What We Can Do
Stop performing. Start thinking.
Question the rituals. If a ceremony doesn't produce decisions or learning, why does it exist?
Reject empty jargon. If you can't explain something in plain English, you probably don't understand it.
Value architecture over backlogs. Yes, plans change. But "no plan" isn't the same as "adaptive."
Trust experience over certification. Someone who's shipped 10 projects knows more than someone with a laminated card.
Demand real autonomy. If every decision goes up three levels, you're not agile — you're just using different words for the same hierarchy.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Most of us know this is theater.
We see it every day.
But we participate anyway because:
- We don't want to seem like we "don't get it"
- We're afraid of being excluded
- We need to keep our jobs
Agility didn't die because of consultants or certifiers.
It died because of our collective consent to the performance.
Moving Forward
True agility isn't a framework. It's vigilance.
It's asking, constantly:
- Are we building the right thing?
- Are we building it well?
- Are we learning from reality or from our assumptions?
It's preferring:
- Intelligence over conformity
- Questions over rituals
- Thinking over performing
The original Manifesto got it right: Individuals and interactions over everything else.
Maybe it's time we actually meant it.
What's your experience? Have you seen agile work the way it was meant to? Or are you also performing in the theater?
Share your stories in the comments. Let's have an honest conversation about what we've built — and what we should build instead.
This is adapted from a longer manifesto. Read the full version: Agile, Really? A Manifesto Against Performance Theater.
Efficient Laziness — Think once, well, and move forward.
Top comments (0)