One of the biggest lessons that I needed to learn was how to maintain a life outside of the office. It's a tough one. Finding a work/life balance is an often scoffed at idea, especially within the IT community. When you hear about someone that doesn't work on side projects at home or doesn't have a side hustle in the industry, it seems a bit off.
"You just go home and don't code?"
Originally posted on TeachingTechLeads.com
I talked about this previously in my "What do you do again" article, but I burned out at my previous position after working 70-80 hour weeks for months straight. I didn't engage with my friends, or my partner, and I barely left my keyboard except to sleep. And it was the worst thing I could have done for my career and, more importantly, for myself.
Find Time for Work
I'm not saying you should flake on work. Quite the opposite, you should give all you can to work within the time constraints that you set. We used to refer to it as "leaving it all on the field" on my high school soccer team. You gave everything that you possibly could to affect the outcome of the game, and whether you won or loss, you accepted it and moved on after the final whistle.
The same should hold true in the office. Come prepared to work, stay off your social media during work hours. Complete your tasks and enrich the environment around you. And then?
Go home.
Find Time for Yourself
You're no use to anyone if you don't take care of yourself. This means physically, mentally, and emotionally. There's a lot that goes into making you a complete person.
Research shows that physical well being leads to better cognitive functionality. What this boils down to is… if your body is working at 100% then your brain will follow suit. Besides, working out has other fringe benefits.
To anchor this point, I'll share what I am up to nowadays. I try to get in two yoga sessions a week, mainly in our spare room with a youtube channel playing on my tablet. I play in a social soccer league every Tuesday night.
And I chase my toddler around whenever I have the chance. Cardio, baby.
Find Time for Others
That last point leads directly into this one. You need to leave time for a social life.
I play soccer with a bunch of random people who quickly became my go-to friends for calling up on a weekend to grab a beer. It was a huge step to take, as a social introvert, but signing up was easily my best decision of this year.
You also have to keep finding time for the people closest to you. The only people who get hurt more than you when you're stuck in the office for 12 hours days are the ones who love you the most. I don't know how I could maintain my personal relationships with my partner or our son if I kept the same work schedule I once kept.
Find Your Balance
Great. Now how do we go about doing this? Well, it's not easy, especially if work already has its talons in you. But, we can all start somewhere.
Here's a quick list of things to keep in mind when finding your own work/life balance:
- Set your office hours.
- Do you work a 9-5? 8-6? Something like that? Figure that out and make it known.
- Stick to your office hours.
- Now that everyone knows when you are available, don't accept meetings or answer emails outside that window.
- Take mental health days.
- When was the last time you actually used up all your sick/pto time? Use it.
- Find a fitness pattern.
- I can't tell you what to do here, find what's fun for you. I hear Crossfit is fun.
- Say no more often.
- Not just at work. In home life too. Don't say yes to every night out, take some time for you to relax and have a quiet moment.
- Calculate how much your time is worth.
- I'm going to harp on this one actually…
The last point is a big one. It's why I choose to pay someone to clean my house. Every two weeks, we have a service come out and do a full house cleaning. Sure, we pick up toys and vacuum during the week, but we don't spend time scrubbing showers and toilets and dusting the shelves. Here's why…
Bring On the Fuzzy Math
The company charges $100 for the bi-monthly cleaning. Using some rather fuzzy math, I make about $60 an hour. Cleaning our house takes more than 2 hours, plus, I don't want to do it. So, I'm saving $20 by paying someone else to do it.
That's it. That's my major decision making logic nowadays.
I'd much rather be playing with my son. I'd much rather be working on this blog. I'd much rather be just hanging out and doing literally anything else, rather than scrubbing my toilet. And I've got fuzzy math to back me up.
Next summer, I'm thinking about hiring someone to cut my lawn. I'm almost there, but I do still take some enjoyment out of that chore.
Why It's Called a Balance
I still take the occasional 8am meeting. I have to drop my son off at daycare early on those days, and neither of us like it. But, it's called a balance for a reason. There is give and take.
I also leave early on some days to pick him up and go to the pool. Give and take.
Learn what is most important to you. At certain points in your life and career, it may be your work. That's perfectly okay. Put in more effort and time to your career then, I did. Maybe you'll learn the same things I did or maybe you'll learn something different.
But understand that work is only there to allow you to do the rest of the things you want to do in life. Don't let it become the only thing you focus on.
Don't forget to focus on you.
Community Feedback
This came up again in a conversation in our CoderDads Slack channel. How do you value your time when it comes to your commute. I always fall back on the fuzzy math to decide on whether the commute is worth my time or not. It's a standard for me.
What are some standards for you when it comes to deciding your work/life balance?
Top comments (11)
I couldn't agree more, I kinda had to learn it by myself after a burn out a year ago:
dev.to/mateus_vahl/i-think-i-will-...
I'm now working full time remotely, so a typical perfect & balanced day is:
Also, I can now get a break in the afternoon, going out for a walk with my dog or getting coffee break.
(Before working remotely, I was losing*two* hours just on traffic. lol)
Hey Mateus, thanks for the reply man. I think you subliminally nailed your own issue in your post without even realizing it.
You wrote, "I love my career, but.." Everything you were facing was an issue with that particular job,not your chosen career!
I'm so glad you took the leap and stepped away from that environment and now can find that personal balance. Great job!
It's all about find your own balance, as you say. What works for one person wouldn't necessarily work for another.
For example, I wouldn't pay someone to clean my house for me – while I don't enjoy cleaning per se, I appreciate the time to zone out.
It can be a bold move, but one thing I did do was during my interview for my current job I made it clear I don't stay late in the office regularly. I said I'll be on task during office hours and for the odd situation outside of that, but otherwise I leave when I'm meant to.
I don't get work email on my phone and I asked early on for my mobile number to be taken off my email footer, which had been added by default.
On the reverse of that, a colleague contacted me on a day off recently and I had no issues with logging in and sorting something out quickly. It's a balance.
You've got it right, Josh. It is a balance. And it's a personal balance, what works for me isn't going to work for everyone.
That's a great step that you took to openly define your work boundaries. Being upfront about it makes the decision all the easier for you later.
It's your evenings, you should get to decide if you're willing to work through it.
I also have someone who cleans my house, despite it being a relatively large expense for us. It is hands down the best dollars I have ever spent. As a work-part-time-from-home parent I totally have the time to do it myself. But I don't like it, I have a million things I'd rather do, and that's enough reason for me.
This has been the most helpful advice I received early on in my career. People won't like it, but that's too bad.
Some people won't like it, but some will. I've know managers that will use it as a test, they'll throw work at you to find your breaking point. Because at a certain point in your career, you NEED to know your limit and how to vocalize that.
It's not a good practice, granted, but it does happen in the real world.
Learning to say "no" is a great way to designate your boundaries and limitations.
Yeah, I've had managers do that to me early on in my career. As a manager now, I would never do that to someone. It's a managers responsibility to uphold best practices.
Very true! 👍
I recently stumbled upon this insightful blog post about finding work-life balance and the choice to hire someone for house cleaning. It's refreshing to see the value placed on time and self-care. This concept of outsourcing tasks that can free up your schedule got me thinking about the benefits of hiring services like a roll off dumpster rental. Outsourcing cleaning can give you more time for meaningful activities, so renting a roll-off dumpster can simplify home improvement and decluttering projects. It lets you focus on the task, promoting a healthier work-life balance. It's all about optimizing our time and prioritizing what truly matters!
Great Article 👌🏻
Thanks Ardalan!
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