I spent three months on the couch with zero energy.
Not tired. Not unmotivated. Zero. Like someone had unplugged my battery and thrown away the charger.
Looking back, I know exactly what I needed before I got there: someone to tell me the truth. Someone to look at my plans—the side projects, the courses, the "just one more thing" syndrome—and say:
It would've hurt. But not as much as the collapse.
The Myth of "More Is Better"
Here's what nobody tells ambitious developers: your hunger to grow can be just as dangerous as apathy.
We celebrate hustle culture. We admire people who code all day, learn all night, and somehow still ship side projects on weekends. We wear
exhaustion like a badge of honor.
And then we wonder why burnout rates in tech keep climbing.
I was that person. Junior dev by day, studying JavaScript at night, building a portfolio on weekends. Every article I read told me I wasn't doing enough. Every LinkedIn post made it seem like everyone else was learning faster, building more, advancing quicker.
So I added more. And more. And more.
Until my body said "enough" and shut down completely.
🚨 When Ambition Becomes Dangerous
The tricky thing about burnout is that it sneaks up on you. One day you're tired but functional. The next day you can't get off the couch.
But the warning signs are there if you know where to look:
Red flags:
- Your to-do list grows faster than you can complete it
- You feel guilty every time you relax
- You're learning things you "should" know, not things you actually want to know
- Rest feels like weakness
- You can't remember the last time you hung out with friends without checking Slack
- You keep adding "just one more thing" to your plate
What it actually means: You're running a sprint at marathon pace. And your body will force you to stop whether you want to or not.
The Conversation Nobody Wants to Have
Now when I'm coaching developers who are heading straight toward burnout, I have a conversation I wish someone had with me.
It's uncomfortable. Sometimes people don't want to hear it. But it's the kindest thing I can offer.
Step 1: Name what you're seeing
"I notice you're learning React, studying for AWS certs, building two side projects, and working full-time. That's a lot."
Not judgment. Just observation. Let them hear their own reality reflected back.
Step 2: Ask the hard question
"If you keep this pace for the next six months, where do you think you'll be?"
Most people pause here. Because deep down, they know the answer.
Step 3: Share the truth they need to hear
"Your plans aren't realistic. Not because you're not capable—you clearly are. But because you're human, and humans need rest."
This is the part that stings. But it's also the part that can save them.
Step 4: Redirect to what actually matters
There are more important things than work:
- Family and friends who will be there when your code isn't
- Health that compounds over decades (who looks back on their deathbed thinking "I wish I worked more"? Probably only Elon. I rest my case.)
- Joy that comes from doing things just because you enjoy them
Step 5: Offer a better path
Small daily focus beats massive unsustainable plans every time.
Twenty minutes of focused learning each day will take you further than weekend marathons that leave you burned out.
You don't need to learn everything. Focus on what energizes you, not what you think you "should" know.
Rest is part of growth, not a break from it. Your brain needs downtime to process and consolidate what you've learned.
The Shift That Changed Everything
When I finally accepted that I couldn't do it all, something unexpected happened.
I got better at the things I actually cared about.
Instead of spreading myself thin across five learning goals, I picked one. Instead of grinding every night, I learned for 30 minutes and then closed my laptop. Instead of feeling guilty about rest, I recognized it as necessary.
My growth didn't slow down...it sped up!
Because sustainable beats spectacular. Every. Single. Time.
✅ How to Apply This
If you're heading toward burnout:
Write down everything you're trying to do. Just seeing it on paper might be enough to realize it's too much.
Ask yourself: "If I could only keep three things, what would they be?" Cut the rest. Not forever—just for now.
Schedule rest like you schedule meetings. If it's not on the calendar, it won't happen.
Check in weekly: "Am I energized or drained?" Adjust accordingly.
If you're coaching someone toward burnout:
Name what you see without judgment. "I notice you're..."
Ask permission to be honest. "Can I share something that might be hard to hear?"
Speak from your own experience, not from authority. "When I tried to do everything, here's what happened..."
Offer an alternative, not just a warning. "What if instead of five goals, you focused deeply on one?"
🤔 Questions to Reflect On
What are you doing out of genuine interest vs. what you think you "should" be doing?
When's the last time you felt energized after coding, rather than drained?
If you could only keep three learning goals, what would they be?
What would it look like to give yourself permission to do less?
The Bottom Line
Sometimes the kindest thing you can tell an ambitious developer is that their plans aren't feasible.
It hurts to hear. But it's way better than the collapse that comes without it.
You don't need permission to slow down, but I'll give it to you anyway: You're allowed to do less. You're allowed to focus on what energizes you. You're allowed to rest.
Your career is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself accordingly.
Have you ever had to have this conversation with someone, or needed someone to have it with you? Share your story in the comments—sometimes we all need to hear we're not alone in this.
If you want to dive deeper into recognizing burnout patterns before they happen, join my upcoming masterclass on sustainable growth. I'll share the frameworks I wish I'd known before I ended up on that couch.
Photo by Nubelson Fernandes on Unsplash
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