How do I handle brutal feedback from colleague?

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My colleague leaves brutal and rude feedback when reviewing my code. Just, imho, intense and unnecessary, and definitely unprofessional. This feedback is given on a fairly recurring basis, and I don't think I can stand much more of it. How do I bring this up to them in a way that’s effective and professional, and how can I get this behavior to stop?

Comments

[Shai Almog]

I'm sorry you went through that. This is obviously unhelpful if it's repeated and insensitive. Usually bullying comes from a lack of confidence or real experience. One of the tricks is to find a bigger bully or bigger mentor.

Finding someone who will evaluate the things he says and communicate them in a constructive way. Then help you tare down the bully. E.g. by reviewing the bullies code and finding problems/bugs. Giving you "ammunition" to respond.

Notice that this is a very unhealthy work environment. Ideally you should start job hunting and find a place that's good for you. A mentor can help you with that as well.

[GosuTeacher]

Well, I think that's a pretty bad attitude, to take revenge and I think that this would escalate the situation. Maybe it would be better to confront the person and if he starts being rude escalate to your manager.
Another tip is that your work is not you. You should not take code reviews personally. It's about the code, your practices and knowledge will develop over time.
Good luck.

[Shai Almog]

I agree. It's VERY unhealthy and might leave you dissatisfied as well...

But sometimes bullies need to be torn down. Otherwise they keep coming after you and after everyone else, so it's not just about you.

It's the last resort.

[Marco Ledesma]

Do you have some examples possibly? Sometimes I’ve found that the text I read from a person isn’t always the way they meant it. This isn’t a fault on anyone — we see the world as we are, after all. If the comments are calling you names, then yes, that is unprofessional and should be reported to HR. If not — if the comments just sound rude — well, that involves a one to one conversation to find out if that’s how the person intended their message to come across. Often times people are just unaware of how they come off on to others.

[Justin Henry]

I can't help but stress that engineers are in demand, not places to work. This means that your efficiency, experience, and environment matter more than the company in some areas. If you cannot thrive in your work environment, it's time for a new one.

[Kevin Peckham]

Try to learn from anything they said that might be useful, then ignore and forget the rest.

If they crossed a line in professionalism then you have every right to file a complaint with HR. And should — it will help you and your team and your company… although waiting for HR to effect change may take longer than is helpful.

You will not be able to change this person, so do your best to avoid them. Also start keeping a file of screenshots and / or abusive comments. It may make you a feel a little better to have the behavior documented, and it will help prevent you being gaslighted if this ever comes back around and they try to undermine your claims. But, don’t share that list with anyone but HR, your manager, or your therapist, as that could put you in violation of work policies.

Finally, your best bet may be to talk to your manager. It is their job to lookout for you and your responsibility to let them know when you need help. This is a situation that a good manager can solve. And if if your manager fails you on this then it’s time to find another job at a company that does a better job of advocating for you.

[Chris Jarvis]

Introduce them or the company to the Hamburger Method of putting criticism between constructive compliments.
see this quote and blog for more.

I once suggested the hamburger method to a client who quickly dismissed the technique as “candy coating.” Maybe it is, but if it gets a better result, isn’t that the whole point? Medicine manufactures candy coat medicine all the time for two reasons:1) So people will take it, and2) because it tastes like crap if they don’t.If given the choice between cherry or crap flavored medicine, which would you chose?

blogs.helsinki.fi/pirttila/files/2...

[Matthew Daly]

I've had that approach advocated in the past, but not by that name. The name I've always heard for it is the "shit sandwich".

[Adam Crockett 🌀]

Code reviews have no tone of voice which is what we need to keep telling ourselves. But if the comments are full of ideology you have to question the intent to belittle others with quotes that react is better because it's blue and you MUST use it because I like blue.

Or perhaps its...

See the problem with this question is that it's hard to know the specifics, the truth is you have 3 options, quit, threaten to quit, tell HR, tell manager, talk directly to X and tell them how Thier comments are making you feel it might help, better that being in hell

[Lucia Cerchie]

There is a certain way to introduce tone to your comments... I like using these when I can, they're called conventional comments, in the style of conventional commits conventionalcomments.org/

[Pandademic]

Thanks for the link , it's really helpful!

[Adam Crockett 🌀]

Okay for the world of code reviews, I love this idea but I think who are challenged with... Not having a heart they might skip this memo, none the less I will keep this in mind

[Mike Talbot ⭐]

Like many forms of written communication, code review comments can both be interpreted as aggressive or can actually be aggressive due to the reduction in filter that people experience when sitting behind a screen.

I can think of several things you could consider trying:

• Ask your colleague to go online and review your code with them, tell them you see that they are concerned about your work and that you want to understand their conclusions and how they get to them. Talking personally with people will often provide a deeper understanding on both sides and will hopefully reduce the tension and aggression levels considerably, quite possibly permanently.

• Ask your line manager or team leader to provide further guidance on how reviews should be constructed as yours are causing you undue anxiety and stress which will eventually impact your productivity. Try to get the manager to review the process with the team. If your organisation has defined "values" - try to relate one or two of these to the issue you are facing.

[Thomas Hansen]

Quit! It's a poisonous environment! Get out of there ASAP!!

[ca55idy]

I've experienced similar when I was a junior and to be honest it shaped my career because I knew I never wanted to be that dev. (Turned out the guy riding me, grinded on everyone and I even once witnessed a long term contractor square up to him and only drop his fist when our manager stepped between them as the punch was thrown)

My advice:

• discuss this colleague's review technique with another colleague who has had their code reviewed by the person, this might sound like I'm saying just moan to an allie but that isn't the case. When I mentioned the review approach, I found it was the guy's standard tone and I then at least knew it wasn't a targeted attack.
• is there anything constructive in the feedback? If yes then it may just be the colleague's tone. This might be worth a quick informal chat with them, maybe at the coffee machine just say "hey thanks for reviewing PR xx. I'd take the comments on board a little better if they weren't so brutal", in my experience a coffee break is when their guard will be down a little and you can potentially end up in a very constructive conversation about why it feels brutal.
• unfortunately you are going to come across that one self entitled ass in every company so whilst moving jobs may fix the issue short term, you're likely to encounter it again further down your career line.
• maybe bring code review styles up at your expertise committee without apportioning any form of blame to anyone if the company has one and whilst you'll find everyone's approach different you will at least find their is a sort of unwritten code of conduct with reviews. Having that CoC reminder in a 'public' forum may trigger your colleague to realise they need to change their approach
• If it is genuinely unprofessional then hr or at the very least your manager should have knowledge of its occurance. Your manager is more likely to provide immediate action but either way you at least know someone is aware and monitoring ready to action the behaviour.

[Matt Jennings]

Yes, you probably should:

1. Escalate this to their manager if it would be helpful. Note, only do this if their manager is not a bully.

2. Start to look for another job if things don't improve soon.