I've been going through the paces the last month, first a grind while working, then left my job and kept grinding, then got an interview and yet, still grinding... Yet I cant seem to stay focused. For so long, I've been wanting an opportunity to get a better paying job and I got it! Yet, now I feel demotivated to follow through.
Let me elaborate, I have 2 tasks to do by Monday, 1 is already done, the 2nd is 99% there. Yet, I dont feel any excitement? Infact, I feel more motivated to stop early and not finish, than I do finishing it up. Though I imagine a large part of that is keeping my expectations tempered, so I dont get my hopes up too high, yet it affects me.
For perspective, I designed an abstract filesystem and ported pgrust. The first is a simple POC, but the 2nd is a pretty damn 'substantial' amount of work. And yet, as a task, I loved doing both, it's the interview that comes after I dont look forward to...
Idk if I'm alone in this, but it feels like hiring processes are being stretched out far too long. I'm from a small country, my last job was literally walk in to their office, 30 min tour and chat, asked how much I'm getting paid currently, he replied 'we can do that', contract in my inbox by the time I got home... Quick, simple, efficient, none of this long-winded 'but can you do this... Ok, but can you do THIS... Oh, how about this...' I hate it, I genuinely hate it.
I know I'm standing at the finish line and it's just that last interview standing between me and the job, but I despise interviews so much, that I dont even want to. I will, obviously, I'm not so full of it that I'd quit the process now... But it bothers me that my mind goes to that place. And I imagine I'm not the only one?
Part of it is definitely performance anxiety (stage-fright), while a large part of it is also fear of a ball and chain (like my last job turned out to be)... So dont worry, I'll finish the tasks, do the interview and land the job. I dont need any encouraging foot up my ass to get the job done. I just wanna know if any of you feel the same?
It's definitely not an isolated incident and most of it is caused by overthinking, yet I cant help but ask who else has found themselves at the precipice and choose not to jump? Well that sounds scary, the reality is way bleaker, you climb a ladder to the top, then jump off... Makes no sense, hence you dont do it, but why does the mind go there?
I guess a large part of it, is also what bothers me daily... I quit my job, so I can relax for a month or so, but now I'm trading job anxiety for hiring anxiety and it consumes my every thought all the same. It's not what I'd consider healthy rest, or relaxation, hell I cant even sit down and play a game, because I'm so stressed about getting the tasks done right. I cant even explain how many times I went through the AFS and its documentation, yet I still cant remember a thing because of the anxiety. I think I should just finish the last 1 up today, take tomorrow as a rest day, then sunday do a final run through and study up on it (maybe with flashcards).
I dont think this kind of reaction to 'getting a job' is healthy and if anyone has any advice on managing it, I'm sure there are plenty of people here who need to hear it. Stress is the bane of us all and it's odd, because it genuinely brings no value, yet we all succumb to it.
Top comments (9)
Now I feel demotivated to learn coding what if I don't get a job
Sorry bout that. Though it's always a useful skill! I'd recommend taking a hint from @francistrdev go intern somewhere! it's the fastest way to get your foot in the door.
It's also good to note that volunteering as a developer REALLY helps. Most people get into Paid Internships but unpaid internships doesn't hurt to get into. It's easy to get experience, adds value to your resume, and makes connections to people that care.
If you are trying to learn to code, I recommend just building a project of your choice and challenge yourself. After that, start engaging on dev.to. The key is compound. As you keep this going, the results will show.
You really should start a mentoring program! You've gone through the struggles and honestly do an incredible job at managing it all, including the side-effects. Even if it's just a post, your voice rings loud in a crowd, because you speak sense and the advise is easy to follow and makes it sound alot less difficult than it does thinking about it. Could be a good dev.to outreach program, kinda like a junior bootcamp, where they get to ask questions everyone's too scared to ask and get helpful feedback and encouragement?
I was thinking about mentoring for a while. Probably is a good idea, though I don't want to "self start". I would prefer to join an existing program where I can sign up to be a mentor since they have structure on how it works.
That is the entire goal! Glad it helped :)
I'll add it to the bucket list of PRs for forem. New tab section in Dev.to, where you can sign up as a mentor, or select a mentor to learn from. Just as a more isolated community, where people can guide and look for guidance. Could be an interesting approach to the whole thing, cuz you can teach and learn at the same time?
I would say that is up to @ben @jess and @heyitsjem and the MLH team to see if they can add a mentoring program on DEV and especially on MLH as well. I would recommend adding the mentoring stuff on the "Issues" tab to see what they think before moving forward.
Sounds good, I'll go add a feature request for it!
github.com/forem/forem/issues/23880 - Issue made. Definitely something the DEV team should probably discuss internally before considering an implementation. But the day they do, they can just gimme a scope and I'll get a prototype done in less than a day.